On Change

My people are having all the feelings. I mean ALL. THE. FEELINGS, seemingly all the time. Their feelings are big and frequently loud. It’s a hard space to live in and try to maintain some semblance of peace and serenity myself.

I get it. At 35 I can look back and see the many claw marks I’ve left on things that I did not want to change. I clung desperately to many things, because new and different meant awful and scary.

We are moving for the second time in 13 months. And though, it’s within the same school district, same neighborhood, it’s still a move. As an adult I can see the benefit of this change. We are buying this house. It will be ours. Which means it will come with the peace of mind that no landlord can ask us to move with 30 days notice. Once all of our things are shuffled across the street and find their new resting places we will have some semblance of stability. We get to paint the walls. Hang pictures without worrying about patching holes and touching up paint. For me, all of these things are exciting. I love me some HGTV and the fact (FACT!) that I get to pick out and design how I want my house to look is super fun for me.

For my kids, who don’t love HGTV, or the paint aisle at Lowes, this move is just one more change in a year that has been wrought with change-a cross country move, a new school, new friends, new neighbors, a new church, another new school, and parents’ schedules that changed every couple of months-it’s terribly unsettling.

They can’t see the beauty in change; the soft pink scars, the proof there is healing from the claw marks drug across life.

Change taught me how to ask for help. Change brought me new friends. Change allowed me to live on a different coast than I was raised on and live less than an hour outside of arguably the most magnificent city in the United States. Change forced me to be strong when I wanted to be weak. Change forged the way for my journey back to faith. Change made me who I am.

As we pack up to move our belongings one more time, yet probably not for the last time, I see the beauty in the changes this year has brought…less boxes than the last move-we’re downsizing-again, friends who are expert packers and movers who’ve showed up to help us get ready–proof that we’ve invested in the community here, making decisions as a couple-something we only hoped for not so long ago.

I hope that as my family embarks on another adventure-albeit a short one-across the street isn’t so far when just last year we traversed the continental US- I am able to continue to see the beauty in all the change.




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